Christmas Eve Epiphany

If you're ever feeling down, here's what you need to do. Despite the fact that your first instinct is to sit at home and stew, go to the home of a good friend who has a house full of guests who laugh a lot. Laugh along with them. Play crokinole. Play Uno. Eat enough appetizers for 12 people. Trust me, it works.

Ramblings on a Tuesday

So, for it being the week of Christmas, it has started off as complete shat. Jamie is being just as thoughtless as usual. You'd think I'd get used to it after a years, but no. I have that big "L" on my forehead, you know. Plus, yesterday when I was doing my paperwork and completely not even paying attention to the world around me, I was treated to homophobic crap from two random d-bags passing my counter. I didn't give them the satisfaction of even looking up, but that sort of thing has a habit of happening just when I finally think it won't anymore, and when I'm already not exactly on the upswing of my overall mood cycles.

But it's Tuesday morning, and I'm off work today. I'm enjoying a cup of coffee and mindlessly surfing the Internet and Facebook. Canada Post is in the process of bringing me two Oz books and (very excited very excited very excited!) my new mini laptop, my first-ever BRAND NEW computer that nobody but me has used. I have had an unexpected invitation to join my brother and his delightful new girlfriend for lunch. I will wrap presents later today. I will mail a package to a new friend, and await his response to the surprise inside. I will do a little bit of shopping.

The problems won't go away. Jamie will still be thoughtless, at least for the foreseeable future. I have no doubt of that. People will still say hurtful things to total strangers. And the efforts of my psychologist will work, but not overnight. There is a lot of pain ahead. But right now, at 10:07 on a Tuesday morning, life isn't too bad.

Now I'm Nitpicking

I realize this is incredibly minor, and will probably make me the subject of ridicule to the, you know, TWO people who might see this. But it's my blog, and meaningless pet peeves are allowed.

Why must people refer to finger food as "appies?" Do they not realize they sound stupid? Do they not realize that we have an infinite number of syllables at our disposal and we don't need to conserve them will silly abbreviations? Do they not realize this "word" rhymes with a euphemism for diaper?

There. I am done.

Cell Phone Rudeness

I have no serious issue with people using their cell phones in public. Isn't that the point of them? I myself merrily text and check e-mail as I walk through the mall, although I do make sure I watch where I'm going. I don't need to run headlong into some muffin-topped teenybopper as she texts without watching where she is going. And as long as people don't feel the need to yell, I see nothing wrong with making a call, providing you're not in a movie theatre or something.

However...

Is it really too much to ask that you NOT stand there having some inane conversation about which parking meter to meet at while I'm trying to serve you in the store? Seriously. I have had customers come up to the counter, chattering away, point at a product, hand me a credit card, and sign the receipt without ever once saying a word to me. Clearly it is of such utmost importance that you find out what your friend Julie has been up to for the last week that you can't take the (literally) two minutes to grab your damned mascara, pay, say thank you, and leave without having the damn phone glued to your ear. I realize there is no consultation involved, and you know exactly what you want. But I am not a vending machine, and a little human courtesy is in order.

It's okay, though. We totally talk about you after you leave.

Honestly...

...is it too much to ask people to make more of an effort when they go out in public? Pajama bottoms belong at home, people! I'm not saying that leaving your house for the mall or the supermarket requires getting dressed up. But you have to at least get dressed!!!!!

As with most visible symptoms of the obvious downfall of mankind (this whole slob thing is right up there with misuse of the apostrophe, in my books), there as been noticeable deterioration even within the problem. As if wearing pajama bottoms as pants when shopping weren't bad enough, the other day I saw some random chick in plaid pajama bottoms with a big honking rip down the front of one leg. Never mind that it's 30 below these days... she was wearing ripped loungewear in public!!!! What's next? A big skidmark down the back?

Gods nightgown, people. Have some pride in yourself.

The Current State of Affairs

Rubbish of rubbishes, saith the beauty advisor. Rubbish of rubbishes. All is rubbish.

Yes, I know I sound dramatic, and I know I'm ripping off a prophet who has been dead for millennia. I stand by this statement.

Oh, Crap

It never fails. One week before Gift With Purchase, I have come down with a cold. Raw, scratchy throat. Runny nose. And, no doubt, before long these symptoms will be joined by a hacking cough that intensifies every time I try to sleep. Of course, what else should I expect? I am, after all, only eight days away from the busiest chunk of my selling year.

On the plus side, it would seem that as my physical health deteriorates, my mental health is holding steady. I've learned that when life hands me lemons, I should look for the silver lining.

Okay...

...dig that craptacular photo formatting. Seems I have a few things to learn about using this...

Doll Show Finds

Last weekend, my friend Joyce and I made the trek to Edmonton for a crash-and-burn, one-day doll show and shopping expedition. We have done this once before, swearing after the exhausting travel that we'd never try to do this in one day again. Apparently sufficient time had passed that it once again seemed like a good idea, and in fact we got home much earlier than last time.

I didn't come home with a lot of stuff, but the stuff I DID acquire absolutely delighted me.























I also learned that if you're going to go to the West Edmonton Mall, Sunday afternoon on the first cold weekend of fall is not the time to do it. Holy fright, 20,000 people in a mall at once is not my idea of fun. Fortunately, there were lemurs and a sea lion to make it nicer.

Disjointed Thoughts

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever really be happy again. Then I find myself wonder if I ever really was happy. I think I was. I don't know. I know one thing that would make such a huge difference, and it doesn't look like I'll see it happen anytime soon. So I have to try and make my own happiness.

How do I do that?

Love... part two

Yeah, it's all those things Cher said. It also bites and bleeds, according to another song.

But when I said I'm still hoping? I meant it. Damned idealism...

Love...

More rambling about song content, on entirely too little sleep and too little nutrition after three days and nights:

According to Alannah Myles, love is what you want it to be, and heaven to the lonely. (Hah.)

Madonna said love makes the world go round. (More like crash and burn.)

Cher got it right: Love hurts, love scars, love wounds and mars.

Right on, Cher. Right on.

But I'm still hoping...

Music Speaks

I have long considered music to be an absolutely essential element in my life. It has powers I can't really explain. The closest I can come is to say that so much music moves me so deeply, I can physically feel it. This is not limited to the types of music you might expect, such as classical, but can be just as effective and, in many cases, even more effective, with songs that many consider to be throwaway pop songs. A sampling of these:

- X-Static Process and Like a Prayer, both by Madonna
- I Will Love Again, by Lara Fabian
- Viva Forever, by Spice Girls
- I Turn to You, by Melanie C
- Original Sin, by Taylor Dayne
- Silence, by Delerium with Sarah McLachlan

I'll leave you to speculate on why these songs in particular matter to me. ;-)

Why do I even have this?

I mean, really, if months at a time will be going by without it being used, why bother? But, then again, when I finally remember and come back to it, the moment of "Oh, yeah! I can do this again, can't I?" is kind of nice.

In the time between my last post and this one, I have truly come to the realization that to live life properly, you have to be a little bit selfish at times. This is not exactly new information, but it's hit home. And I don't mean the kind of selfish where you wander through life completely oblivious to the fact that there are others around you and that they are all deserving of respect. But it's become quite clear to me that often, when you spend too much time trying to show that respect, a situation can be created whereby you completely lose track of your own needs in the process.

In the past few months, I have seen firsthand the devastating effect this can have. It has taken a long time to recover, in many ways. Fortunately I managed to learn a lesson (I think!) and avoided doing serious damage to a relationship that is highly important to me. Time will tell. But in the meantime, I know that the best thing I can do is look after myself, because only then am I going to be in shape to make sure I can also look after others.

Creative Juices

I'm finding myself in a mood to create something. In typical Jaye fashion, I cannot seem to land on one thing, so I'm mentally spinning around, pointing, hoping that at some point I'll stop spinning and the right project will be what I'm pointing at. What I REALLY want to do is take doll photos, but the weather is not one bit conducive to that right now, since it's winter, and cold, and who wants to crawl around on the ground in the snow, getting themselves and their dolls all wet and gross? And indoor photos, well... my apartment is in no state at the moment to serve as a backdrop. Too bad "cleaning" doesn't fall under the category of "creative."

Early to rise...

In about 20 minutes, my sister-in-law will be picking me up to take me to the airport. I'm off to Winnipeg for a whirlwind trip to visit a couple of friends, one last Biotherm Hurrah before one of them leaves for school in Toronto. I've been up for almost two hours now. One of those hours was completely unnecessary. I have this paranoia about promptness, especially when it comes to air travel. I'm early for everything at the best of times, but it reaches ridiculous levels when I'm flying. I should probably look at this weird internal alarm clock as a good thing, but it will likely be hard to remember that when the fatigue sets in at around 2 p.m.

Excess in All Things

It would seem that I am completely incapable of practicing moderation. I have too much crap in all facets of my life. Too much PartyLite. Too many toys. Too many CDs. And too much bloody makeup. And even though I have too much makeup, and rarely use any, much less actually use any of it completely, I continue to buy more. And why? Well, this time it's because MAC's latest collection is Hello Kitty. That's right, I bought a lip gloss and nail polish solely because of the adorable Hello Kitty motif on the packaging. Granted, these products will see actual use, particularly the gloss. But good grief. This must be why I have no money.

So, just for the simple sake of finding out how this all works, I will post a picture of my latest acquisition. This Charmkins cel, I believe, was used in an advertisement for the Whippoorwill Flower Mill. (Don't toys from the 80s have wonderful names?) I often buy things for weird reasons. One might think I bought this because I collect Charmkins. One would be correct in that assumption. However, what sold me on it was the expression on the face of Whippoorwill himself, the cute little blue bird riding on a flower petal along with Petal Pink Puppy. Life in Charmworld is truly whimsical.

A blog? Really???

You see, I need a blog like I need a hole in the head. But for quite some time now, I've thought it might be fun to have a website to post pictures from my various collections. This seems like a delightfully lazy way to do that, not to mention a way to ramble and vent about things nobody but me really cares about. Watch for sporadic, half-baked entries that shall appear according to my personal whimsy.