Unrealistic Aspirations

I often talk about the things I would do if I were ever in a position to build my "dream house." For the record, I do have a dream house. I saw the plans in a newspaper once, and loved them so much I ordered the book of house plans that contained them. If I ever could have a house built to my specifications, I'd pull out this book and that plan would be the jumping-off point.

That said, however, when one dreams it is fun to dream big, if not dream completely ridiculous. If money were no object, I could move beyond just the dream house?

Any home I inhabit will have, by necessity, a doll room. It's not really enough, one room, to house all my stuff, but it's better than nothing. But hey, if I'm going to dream ridiculous, why stop at a doll room? How about a house with a wing for toys? Better yet, my dream house could be housed on the same yard as the Jaye Andy Lehmann Museum of Whimsy (all rights to this name reserved), full of themed rooms and galleries for all my various toys and artwork and toy-related artwork.

I think I might have to put this idea to paper, complete with drawings.

Reset

It has been a long time since I've been here. In fact, the only reason I came here today was to read a friend's blog, and decided that my response to her post might as well not be anonymous. Since I was here anyway, I decided to read all my own old posts. I knew it wouldn't take long, as I've been rather half-assed about this whole thing.

I'm in a much better place than I was when this page came into existence. The problems are still there. The dark tendencies still lurk inside me. Stupid shit still gets to me, bad habits still slip into my life, and the crazy ups and downs that come with all of this are all still there. I've come to realize they'll never go away.

For the first time, though I can truly say that's okay. I've come to realize that the one thing that we all have in common, the one thing that we can call normal, is that life is a series of up and down, good and bad, happy and sad, joy and sorrow. It's true for everyone. People who say nothing good ever happens just don't know where to look, and are completely skipping over the simple joys. And people who claim everything in their life is always perfect are just deluding themselves.

I've become a whole lot better at realizing that many of the things I take for granted are, in fact, rich blessings from God.

2011

The new year has begun somewhat with a whimper. I don't mean that to sound like it's been a bad start, because it really hasn't. But there isn't much to report. Maybe that's for the best... the last couple of years have had more than their share of drama.

I don't make New Year's Resolutions, per se, although my decision to start back on the Weight Watchers plan, and in fact to take better overall care of myself (physically, mentally, and spiritually) happens to be nicely coinciding with the beginning of 2011.

So, may it be a year of health, happiness, and whimsy. Never underestimate the power of whimsy!

Musings

Is it healthy to have moods go up and down with such unpredictability? Maybe it's just the way people are. Maybe I'm more normal than I give myself credit for.

Music helps. One of the greatest gifts that God has given me is a love and appreciation for music that is so strong, I can actually physically FEEL it. The right song can lift me outside of myself, take me out of all the crap, and give me a feeling of power and rightness that I cannot achieve in any other way.

Dolls help. It is extremely satisfying to look at a doll and know his or her name, story, and personality.

And more than anything, faith helps. When all else fails, I know God is watching and has a plan. I just need to listen so He can share it with me.

Light at the End of the Tunnel

I don't know if I can afford to stay in this apartment. I hope I can, at least for awhile. With everything else that is going on, moving would be the thing to drive me completely around the bend.

But no matter what, things are better. And they will continue to get better. I'm so much more blessed than I ever realized.

Creativity

There is something very satisfying about the creative process. It's even more satisfying when you genuinely love the product you've turned out. While I could sit and pick apart the minor details and mistakes, I find it much nicer to just enjoy having a new doll in my collection that nobody else has. Behold the before, Raspberry Tart with an extra dress from Strawberry Shortcake:



And the finished product, Raisin Cane:



I'm so pleased with how this project went, she is going to be first in a series.

It's Saturday Night

I'm alive. I exist. I don't think I can say I live.